Preparing Myself

Now that I've been diagnosed, I have a lot to do. I immediately begin my research and was on the Internet more than I had been in months. I was determined to know as much as I could before I met with the different doctors. I wanted to know about radiation and chemotherapy. I purchased Dr. Susan Love's "Breast Book". That book became my "Breast Bible!" I highly recommend this book to anyone who is diagnosed with breast cancer.

Doug and I had just finished our addition to our home. I needed to clean things up in preparation for my journey through breast cancer. I began by washing walls, cleaning out things that I knew I wouldn't have the strength to do later. I painted rooms that I wanted painted to complete our addition. I donated a lot to Deseret Industries so I didn't have these things cluttering up my life. I felt that my life was spiraling out of control and one way to control it was to do what I could to prepare.

I began purchasing things throughout June, July, and August to stock up on household items and food. By the time I was finished I literally had a six month supply of everything. And I mean everything, from shampoo to toilet paper and paper towels, from canned goods to dry goods, from toothpaste to deodorant, cleaning supplies to laundry detergent . You name it, I had it! I stocked my freezer with frozen meats and TV dinners for Doug. My goal was to have as much as possible in my home that when I had to go to the grocery store, I would be finished in 20 to 30 minutes getting fresh produce, dairy and meat.

This taught me a valuable lesson. We never know when life gives us lemons, and those lemons can be made sweeter into lemonade by preparing. I learned that by preparing for chemotherapy and all that it entails that I could sweetened or lighten my experience by following this gospel principle. Through my faith, I was able to take into action what I had always been taught about preparedness. I was lucky. I had time to prepare. But what about the next lemon that life gives me, will I be prepared?

Another part of preparing myself was to purchase wigs before I had treatment. I went to Sally's Wigs here on Southern and Horne, the same place where my Mom bought her wigs. Ironic, isn't it?  Now it's my turn. Another thing that I never thought I would be doing, buying wigs! I bought two wigs.

My Diagnosis Story

Everyone has their own diagnosis story. Mine may be the same as yours or maybe slightly different or completely different. Yet, it's my story.

I noticed a lump in my left breast in the Spring of 2003. I was concerned, due to my family history, but I think I was in denial too, you know...it couldn't happen to me. December 15, 2004, I had my yearly mammogram. Nothing unusual happened. Just the routine mammogram visit. Waiting in the lobby for my name to be called. When my name was called I went into the room, removed my top and bra putting on this gown that stays on about 2 minutes until you have the mammogram. Why you have to wear it? I have no idea. It doesn't stay on and it just gets in the way. Of course, the lump was in the back of my mind. As we were going through the questions I pointed to where the lump was located. The technician took extra views to ensure that she got the full picture. After a few minutes the test was over and I was on my way home.

A month later, January 17, 2005, I had an appointment with my Primary Care Physician. I wasn't there for anything breast related, I was having skin problems on my scalp and was trying to get that cleared up. While I was there I asked the doctor about my mammogram. He said it didn't show anything. I asked him about the lump and he said, " it's an inflamed milk duct". I asked him if I should be concerned since I have a strong family history of breast cancer. He didn't seem overly concerned, he told me just to "keep an eye on it". So, not thinking or being my own advocate, I believed what he said. Again, I think I was in denial at the time, it couldn't happen to me.

Thirteen months later, my new Primary Care Physician, Dr Wiens, gave me an order for my routine mammogram. It was scheduled for January 19, 2006, at the same place I've had my mammograms for the past 5 years. However, these results were a little different. Was I concerned? Not really! I've had results before that required me to have additional images. The only thing different this time is that I needed to have an ultra sound. So, I made the appointment and had the ultra sound February 6, 2006. When the results came in, I was told to have another ultra sound in 3 months. This was very unusual, this has never happened to me before! Now the "red flags" come up!

May 30, 2006, I had my second ultra sound. The technician took me back into the room, I had to take my top off and put on this gown. I laid down on the table and she put this gel goop on my breast and proceeded to take images. I could hear the clicking of her fingernails on the keyboard as she took the images. At one point she asked, "Have you noticed any changes in the lump?" "No, not really!", I said. Of course, that was the first time that I was really alarmed. I knew at that moment that I had breast cancer. The technician said nothing, but it's the way she "said nothing".

I was called by my doctor's office and told that I needed a biopsy. Wow, a biopsy! My heart sunk. Of course, now I knew I had breast cancer. I scheduled an appointment to see Dr. Johnson, a general surgeon and I arrived, Monday, June 19, 2006 at 11:00 am. While visiting with Dr Johnson, he was so confident that I did not have breast cancer. He was very kind, he stayed upbeat and positive. He asked me if the lump had changed and I told him no. He was very reassuring and said he thought it was going to be nothing, but deep down I knew it wasn't alright. He asked me when I would like to have the biopsy? I said, "Today!" He said,"Let me check my schedule." After a few minutes, he said, "We can do it right now!" What a relief! I did not have to wait for another appointment. Dr Johnson and his assistant got everything prepared. The doctor sprayed me with a freezing spray then gave me a shot of lidocaine to numb the area. He did a hollow needle biopsy and took eight samples. While taking the samples, the assistant said, "That one's green." I thought to my self, was that good or was that bad? As I lay there, I felt that was another clue that it was cancer. After the biopsy was finished, the doctor told me that the results would be back Friday and he would call me with the results.

Around 11:00 am Tuesday, June 20, 2006, Dr Johnson called with the results, not Friday, but Tuesday the very next day! I could tell he was having a hard time. He said, "Karen, it's positive, you have breast cancer!" I was numb! I thought I was prepared for those words, but I wasn't. I don't think anyone can truly be prepared to hear, 'YOU HAVE BREAST CANCER!"

Now the hard part I had to tell my husband, Doug. How am I going to tell him? What do I say? I had to collect my thoughts, I was literally in shock. Doug noticed on the caller ID that Dr Johnson called, so he came into the family room. I told him, "I have breast cancer." That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life, tell my husband that I have breast cancer. Of course, we cried and cried! Immediately after telling Doug, I called my dad and sister and we cried together too. This was a very difficult day!

It was not until about a month later that I realized something. The day I had my biopsy, June 19, 2006 was the 10th anniversary of my mother's death and she died of breast cancer!