Heidi and Tim's Wedding Day

Mr and Mrs Timothy Bogardus

Married April 4, 2014

Mesa Arizona Temple




Tim and Heidi Bogardus with Justin, Katie, Zachary and Adam Magnusson,
Alexander and Lisa Lake, Keith and LaDonna Magnusson,
Landon, Natalia, Aurelie and Sabra Magnusson



Tim and Heidi Borgardus with Justin and Katie Magnusson, Alexander and Alisa Lake,

David Parisot and Kirsten Borgardus, Craig and Katarina Covington,

Landon and Natalia Magnusson & Jay and Anneke LeSueur



Heidi Borgardus with her Best Friends
Ashley Doutaz and Leah Boles



Happy Birthday Mom!

Today my mother would have celebrated her 75th birthday. As I reflect back over these almost 18 years since she passed away.  I'm filled with conflicted emotions.  As I write I think of all that she endured battling breast cancer for 12 years.  Going through her breast surgery, reconstructive surgery and later to be diagnosed with a brain tumor.  To once again have to go through a brain surgery.

As a cancer patient myself, I cannot image all that she endured.  I know that we struggled in our mother/daughter relationship...but I cannot deny that I loved her.

Over the years I have had a battle within me.  Why did we have to have such a difficult relationship?  How could it have been better?  What could I have done to fix or help our relationship?  I'm baffled with the conflicts I have faced throughout my life regarding the family dynamics. I know I love my mother, but yet I still have the scaring effects of the times that we faced.  Even though I had these conflicting life moments with my mother...I know that through her last few months we became as close as we possible could even though there still seemed to be a barrier that kept us from healing.  

I thought with her passing that I would not feel the emotions that I continue to feel.  The lack of ... the feeling of being less than...not good enough...not perfect enough...unable to satisfy or make her happy.  As I have pondered her life and all that mom endured as a child I understand more as to why she was the way she was.  I know that she had demons that challenged her throughout her life.  The times that she grew up in.  Her parents, my grandparents, raised their family during the depression.  They didn't have much and the stress that it must have caused them raising 8 children.  I know that through the generations that physical abuse was passed down, from my knowledge as far back as my great-grandparents.  It may have been farther back...but no one knows.  I'm sure it must have been through the challenges of life that caused this to happen  especially not knowing how to deal with matters/issues of their time.

As a result my mom took what she learned and changed it to the best of her ability.  She was never physically abusive to us kids.  For that I am grateful.  I know it was something that she tried her best not to pass down to us knowing what she had endured as a child.  Yet, she struggled in other ways.  She loved us and we knew that yet I find myself questioning that love.  I guess it's because there were times I felt conflicted with how she may address or say something.  It's hard to explain.  I think this is why I have battled my weight all my life.  I find that I cannot express exactly how I feel and it results in me stuffing my feelings with food.  I have battled low self-esteem all of my life.  I thought I would grow out of it, to no avail.

So, as I reflect on mom's birthday today.  I want to say, Mom I do love you!  I know our relationship was not perfect...far from it.  But I love you even to this very day!

YEAH!!! Velata!!!

Lillian and Vincent LOVE Velata.  

A FUN way to eat chocolate!

Happy Birthday Dashman!!!

Dash turned 2 yesterday.  Doug wanted to get a little something for Dash's birthday and got him 2 books that included HIS FAVORITE THINGS, "Airplanes" and "Thomas the Train".  

Here's Dash reading his NEW books!

Vincent's NEW Owl Hat

While on our summer vacation, I crocheted some hats.  

Here's Vincent in the Owl Hat (he chose the colors!).  

As you can imagine it is not so cold in Utah right now, 

but it sure is cold when ice skating!!!

 

Paris Idaho Tabernacle

Doug and I have visited the Paris Tabernacle many times.  It is one of the most beautiful tabernacles that we've seen.  If possible one day we would LOVE to serve a 6 month mission here.  The structure was built by the pioneers.  You will notice the bricks that frame and arch over the windows are different colors.  Wards were asked to make the bricks.  The colors are different because they used the materials that were in their area thus making them different colors.

 

The ceiling structure was built by a ship builder. 

He did not know how to build anything but ships.  

So he built the hull of a ship and inverted it making it the ceiling!  Amazing craftsmanship.  Absolutely spectacular!

Charles Coulson Rich was the Apostle that was sent to Paris, Idaho to settle the area. What's interesting is...I grew up with a "Rich" family in our ward in Redondo Beach, California.  They were the first people I thought of.  I contacted one of the Rich family members and they are direct descendants of Charles Coulson Rich.  It is a small world after all!!!

Going Hawaiian Style!

I LOVE these kids SOOOOOOO Much!

 Lillian 5 Years Old

 

Vincent 9 Years Old

Londyn 7 Years Old and Haven 5 Years Old