Don't Judge

Today has been an emotional day. I have someone that is a very close family member that is struggling spiritually. I've been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints since the age of eleven. I went to Primary, early morning Seminary, Young Women's, and attended my Sunday meetings for over 39 years. I personally have not struggled with my testimony, however there was a time when I felt "less active" because I had a fireman for a husband and he had to work some Sundays. During that time I struggled going alone, not due to a lack of testimony...I just didn't like going alone.

Being a member of the LDS church can be a challenge, especially when you have no children. The LDS church is very family oriented and it's highly unusual to be a member and not have children. During our early years of marriage it was difficult for me to go to my Sunday meetings when seeing families come to church with their little ones.  I despised Mother's Day!  It was the worse day of my life, every year! It took many, many years to bear the pain of being childless and to change it to being the sister in the ward that helped, loved and cared for little ones.  It began with Primary! I loved my Sunbeam classes! Those little ones have that unconditional love and brought much joy into my life. Later it moved to helping a sister in our ward with her children while her husband served in the bishopric. I found that I can share my love for other children in church to fill that void.

Has it been easy? No! But, did I let it destroy my testimony and make me question what my role was as a wife and member of the church? No! I knew that my happiness depended on my attitude and having faith in my Savior. I've know since the age of eleven that becoming a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was and is where I'm supposed to be. When my family joined the church we had family members shun us! We had friends question us about joining the church. We did not waiver in our testimonies. Being a member has truly blessed me and my family's lives. My current calling is to be a companion to a 10 years old autistic girl during Primary. Oh, the love, joy and frustration all rolled up into one! However, I wouldn't change this experience for the world!

My heart aches when I learn of someone questioning the gospel that I love. I do not understand their trials and/or feelings regarding women in the church and their roles. It bothers me that Satan is working so hard on them and they don't see it that way. I know they also struggle with church leaders, especially with those serving in their wards. We have to realize that our ward leaders are men/human and make mistakes.  We are not all perfect! With that being said, I know the church is true and I believe that with all my heart...even when something is done or said that I may not agree with.

I find that when discussing this topic, it only causes more frustration, confusion, animosity towards the church, it's teachings and leaders. At times I feel that it is a losing battle. It's not dissimilar to a bible scripture battle between someone and the missionaries.  The missionaries are put into a "no win" situation. In these situations, the person questioning the church has studied, asked others questions, and read in preparation to the discussion. I feel that this is exactly the same as someone questioning missionaries with bible in hand...a "no win" situation! The results don't change and both parties leave frustrated.

So, what is one to do? Listen to their concerns, their questions, hear their explanations without agreeing for fear of giving them false affirmation and more reasons to question. I have come to the conclusion that all I can do is pray for them, love them and not judge them.